So recently, I've been cramming up schoolwork, trying to be the good student that I am. Which by the way is a pain in the ass because people are constantly monitoring you and trying to let you feel as if you're smart. And when you just can't reach their expectations, they appear more shocked than you are and that's like whoa. Moving on, I just can't help but scroll down to all these posts about love. I mean, come on. Everyone's getting into relationships. It's like the new normal-thing-to-do and if you don't have one, you might be dreaming on going on dates with a guy or girl in mind that suits the word hot, or cool, or funny, or anything of your liking.
And then there's me.
There's the me that's on the internet doing some coding for other people while they go on and tweet with their crushes. There's me, alone, studying in a public area only to find out that everyone else is on dates while I study for a math exam. There's me again on my blog writing about how people have crushes while they blog about how their love stories came out. There's me, the girl who lost hope on love.
What's the crazy thing though? Is how people constantly ask me why I don't have one -- why I didn't have any 'special someone'. And that makes me insecure, and I mean for real. Hearing this makes me wonder, what is wrong with me? Do I act too girly? Maybe I should just put my hair up? Do I need to change my wardrobe? Are my jeans too tight? But then the thoughts pass and I forget everything for a while.
If you've been reading my blog (which I doubt because, who reads this anyway?), you might think how much of a hypocrite I can be after my last blog post which made me so down and bitter. But I haven't fallen then, and I never intended to, because frankly, you can choose not to fall in love.
I'm not in a rush, and I don't plan on being, or even falling in love. My dreams are now pitch black. There are no images, no sadness, no tragic endings, no cliff-hangers when your mom decides to wake you up because your PE class starts at 7. And frankly, I'd prefer the pitch black scene than those romance kind of dreams, you know?
I'm bitter. I have always been. And maybe soon, in the right time, I won't be. But now, this is me.
