To people in the "Friendzone"

Friendzone - that's what they call it. A gray area where all the girl's guy bestfriends - who can never be boyfriends - are. Moving on, I've been dealing with some lately. I'm pretty sure that when you're the one being "friendzoned", you would think that the other person who put you there does not hurt. I will tell you this, they do.


I'd rather not call it the "friendzone" though. It was okay at first but because of all the stories that come after it, it all becomes so sad.

You might be really confused right now, especially if you've been in that zone a few hundred times ( okay, that was an exaggeration, but if you really did, you can message me if you want to talk about it ). But here are some reasons why you remain just friends and maybe you might actually think it's a good thing, because it is.

Dear Forever-Friend Guy,

Hey there. It's me. I know you might be angry at me now or a million questions are popping in your head - always know it was never your fault. You will always be a friend to me and we will always be together, just not in the way you want it to be. I imagine ourselves having gray hair and inviting each other for a game of checkers. I think about how our kids will also be the best of friends, how some days we may meet up at one of our favorite tea places just to catch up, how we will reminisce the days when we were younger.

But I can never fathom the thought of looking at a wedding picture of us together.

Let me put it in a metaphor. Imagine riding a bus. You were one of the buses where I always knew the route. I always knew I was safe. You took me to familiar places and I got to know almost the whole route - where it was going and when I was going to get back.

But then there's a different bus, it's a whole new journey with lots of different places to see. However, there will be a time when that bus fails me with a flat tire, a broken engine, or even a tragic accident. I get so low and I can't ever imagine if I will dare ride one again.

Then I see you. The bus with the all-familiar route. You give me the hope that I can ride a bus again, you make me feel better, and you make me believe again.

Don't think of yourself as just a "second-rate" bus. I trust you enough to change the flat tire, or fix the engine, or to never encounter an accident. I trust you more than all the adventurous buses I take. And if we ever change route, and you will be one of them - I will lose that trust. I don't ever want that to happen. Ever. 

I don't want to have the idea that all the while I though we were just friends you suddenly decided to fall in love with me. I want you to choose the route you want to have with me before you actually let me in. Don't compare me with other girls who choose to take the risk and give it a try. I'm different. I don't want to 'just go with it', I want to know what I'm putting at stake here. 

When we go down that road and we know we're not meant to be - we will never be the same. I will never see you as the regular bus, I will see you as the bus who allowed me to get hurt and I will never trust you again.

Please don't give me the look. When you look at me, it's like the look of I want to get married and have 10 kids and just work and sleep and stay with you. I mean, that's romantic and all but it's not the look I want you to give me. I want the look you gave me when we became best buds, when I gave you advice about how to do this and that. It's a great look, but you're looking at the wrong girl.

Don't try to flirt with me please. It will only become worse. When you decide to invite me for a walk, I would think of the various ways you will try to get me to fall for you. You would try to grab my hand, or steal a kiss - and that's not the person I made friends with. That's not the person I want to be the best man at my wedding. That's not the guy I used to know. Doing that will only result to my fear. That's why I don't constantly text you like before, or the reason why I don't agree to hang out when it's just the two of us. I don't want you to fall for me, and if that meant that you have to hate me for it, then okay.

Always remember that I love you so much that I would never want to lose you. I want to be with you forever, and I know this way, we'll stay longer. I want to be confident in what we already are knowing that this is the best we can be.

I hope you understand. 

Love, me.